All She Loved

All she loved was to travel

All she loved was the history above and below 

All she loved was not be to judged

All she loved was to be free 

All she loved was to be spoken to 

All she loved was to be me 

Living Life On The Spectrum

Living life on the Spectrum you might think ooh that's the  Spectrum computer ooh how retro and you'd be right in one sense as I truly loved my Spectrum 48 k when i was younger , I was indeed that computer nerd that loved nothing better than playing games and programming my Spectrum.

What I am really talking about is living with ASD ( or Autism ) I fit the criteria for Aspergers , did you watch Celebrity Get me Out Of Here and saw Ann Hegerty from the Chase and she said she has Aspergers then that is why I have. I am not on the Chase though I do have a immense knowledge of stuff and will gladly rattle off facts to my hearts content.


You see all the years and years I had depression and anxiety stem for the fact I had diagnosed Autism and you might think that Autism is only seen in boys /men it is not it is also seen in girls/ladies.Why you may ask are girls and ladies not diagnosed as much and the reason for this is masking


I’m constantly on the run not literally on the run but I’m hitting the ground running and adapting to my diagnosis of Autism.Being Autistic doesn’t change anything for me but it does allow me to be me.As I keep saying I’m in two worlds but one world.I can instantly see that things can be done another way saying both time and energy.

In order to respect I’m going to have to respect it’s a transition time having only had an autism diagnosis in late September.It really is like being hit by all the senses at once and all the uniqueness that made you make sense.I am pretty much black and white and if you joke it might take me a while.As long as you’re funnier than Michael Mcintyre then we will get along fine.

It took me a year to actually watch the Greatest Showmen and I’m still not taken by it .Yet people love the razzle dazzle .

Last weekend was very trying with a constant stream of problems leaving me thinking was I on a episode of Jeremy Kyle .

Masking

Girls and ladies will mask to blend in with those around and within society , and this is why of part of the reason I was forever told to smile , I do smile I really can but social convention dicatestes that to smile means we are happy and all is ok within the world and our world. It is also why I get you don’t seem autistic or I never knew.I don’t wear a label or T shirt announcing I’ve Autism!

Feelings 

Complicated one this as I don’t feel as others feel but everything almost everything is amplified.I am and other people with Autism are empathetic and our sense of justice is second to none - makes monopoly playing a bit of a nightmare !

Socialising 

Socialising for the most part feels me with fear because it’s people noise lights etc. How I can be can vary it’s like your toaster will it brown your bread the same way ~ unlikely . I get sad at times when I’m not asked to social things but it’s the way of the world.I have always slipped into the cracks of social exclusion.

I’m me still me !

I spend my whole life thinking I was broken but I’m not I’m whole as an autistic person.

5 Things Life Has Taught Me

As I was out walking one day I overheard a mother stressing about her child getting muddy , they were dressed appropriately and it was a damp squidgy day as only a January can be And i thought thought it is just a bit of mud don't stress there is more to life than a little mud.Life is captured in moments and they are beautiful snap shots in our lives.So a spot of mud in your day isn't really going to end the world and the child concerned was not exactly covered head to toe.I do believe in positive reienforecemnt it's ok to get dirty its ok to explore it's OK to be a child ! mud is mud and it is the adventure of life that is the all encompassing important rule in life.And who doesn’t love splashing in water !!

1. Age really honestly is just a number and it’s a journey of learning and reflection for if we didn’t do this we wouldn’t be human.We learn as we get older and getting older is a privilege and each day I try to enrich my own life and that of other people.Age has taught me to be happy in my own skin especially now .

2 If you’re in a mood it’s really imperative not to fester because of rule 1 it’s the opposite of fight club it’s a calmness. It is not twee and I’m not instructing you to do yoga or eat kale.Listen to your favourite songs / music walk outside and this includes even if it’s raining or snowing.Places matter they makes us feel alive and are an an escape when we are feeling stressed.

3.Be part of your own art masterpiece by going outside I can’t stress enough the importance of going outside.You not only connect with people but you can also commune with nature.And again I refer back to rule 1 and as ever rules are to be broken and I’m never one to do anything in order .

4 Don’t feel guilty for bringing yourself joy , people can be a judgey bunch of so and so by design- call it a design flaw.

5 A problem shared is a problem halved is so very true and we must never stop sharing .

Sparking Joy In Your Social Media

When you read a blog sometimes it can feel like you’re at a Middle Eastern bazar with everyone under the sun trying to hawk you their wares.Now I’ve reviewed stuff but I’ve always been subjective about it telling the truth in my own unique way.I try and always be balanced in what I say.Opinons are always going to vary but I have to always be truthful it’s literally in my DNA.My cat has even reviewed stuff before it used to be a reviewing duo but now it is up to Jack to carry on the mantle.

I would love to refer you to my five star hotel review but I’ve yet to pull off one of those but you know what you don’t always need 5 star . We are perpetually up in York picking up and dropping off our son who is studying Archaeology at York university.We have been through all sorts of hotel accommodation to Airbnb.At the moment Premier Inn is ticking boxes for us especially as we can stop just half an hour outside York making it cheaper for ourselves.

And all that money saved allows you to save up for the things you want in life for example like a new camera.I did combine this with selling my old camera on line so you’ll soon be seeing new pictures taken with my Nikon D5600.

Cat is optional with the Nikon camera 

I like to depict my life on here as it really here warts and all I don't cultivate a magazine image nor do I endorse anything that I don't believe in myself. I have however reviewed some odd stuff in my time the less said about the luminous cupcakes the better I feel.On social media it seems people are forever striving for this that or the other and if it didn't happen on social media then indeed did it really ever happen.People talk about the old days before social media and there is a strange draw back to that in the sense of feeling less pressured but there has always been pressure in society be it social or otherwise.

The simplest of ideas can be a life changer for me be it a new cup/mug to a bobble hat ( strangely I have never been offered a bobble hat to review ( I buy them though or get given them )

And no I am not going to spark joy by neatly sorting everything out in my house if you do then good that is you and not me and it is so 2019 to have your own opinion unless it is the mark of 2019 to get offended at every little thing that is said.I am sparking joy in my life by doing exactly want I want when I want to and picking tips up blog the way , life would be ever so sterile and boring if everyone lived it the same way.

How DO you Muddle Through Life ?

I have always written personal posts on my blog because I think that is where I love to be and I think to be honest and trull in ones life allures you to people and allows them to connect with you someone how.And being autistic connecting with people is difficult but it is something I did via blogging long away when I started my blog back in 1712 I mean 2011.And today it the first cup of tea on a Monday in 2019 and it really does I think help with the blues of not only Monday but the blues of the bluest Monday in the new year.

See last year from March 2018 saw my mother have a bipolar episode, my husband developed diabetes , I had a breakdown and had 6 months off work , also a Autism diagnosis for myself.

You'd think I would would to shy away what happen but instead I embrace it and study all that has happened to allow me to understand and to process the situation, life isn't easy and we have to do our very best at it.When I look back at this I see what a load I had to deal with and it isn't easy to comprehend.


You might wonder how I got through and how I continue to get through , quite honestly I couldn't do it without the support of my family , friends tea and my cat they are the fixed points in my life and I turn to them regularly.