The Kindness Of Strangers.

 I didn't start getting myself till now , it's as if I've been struck by lightening and I'm finally starting to understand myself. I've done the CBT, tried the depression tablets ( but the tablets don't agree with me ) you see everyone is fighting an unseen battle and depression quite frankly isn't a competitive sport. I might go to CBT but I'll see how I go I'm being mindful and dealing with my sytimn myself , I had a lot  kick off in my childhood and teens and into my adulthood and I'm shaped my it to an extent. I'm not going to let it take me prisoner at all and I have family and friends who like me and I'm not a pity party and neither will I play the victim. You see you'd think all people with depression would get on like it was one big party with streamers and balloons ~ sorry to burst your balloon but sadly not but if life was simple we wouldn't live it as fully as we do.

The highest compassion we can have is understanding and laughter ~ ps I saw that in a quote ohh what a quote.

Empathy I believe in empathy.

I can't hate or even dislike and now I'm settled with friends of mine who get on with people I don't.

C'est la vie.

My fight or flight respond is still there but I am less inclined to take flight or even fight ( non physically ) 

Before I was sleeping now I'm living.

A bounce in my step and I know if I'm feeling angst I can reach out and for help like the other day I was feeling angry for no apparent reason.

I've been housework lapse this week and I need to get back into my cooking but I'll get there and reading I need to read as you see my mind feels like I've got too many windows open. So I'm learning to shut those windows down and accomplish what ~ I need to , like tonight my fit bit was upset I hadn't taken my necessary steps today so I went out . I tried to talk to the local chickens but they were too far away so I shouted how do.

My family and friends are the wind beneath my wings and though I'm coming up to a year of when I finally acknowledged I had my breakdown in~ I see it as a recovery . Depression won't ever leave me but I can shrink the feeling and treat my mind to the beautiful sensory world around me.

My son goes into 6 th form.

My son takes his GCSes this summer.

3 summers till university.

But my son forever.

And my family is what I concentrate on and making memories.

I can't control the descions other people make and let that make me try and try to be their friend, they must live their lives how they see fit.

And looking upon the Internet and seeing my dads eyes staring back from a newspaper article is still disconcerting but I have my family that I'm not turning my back on. 

GCSE 's weren't good for me neither were my A levels  but they will be for my son history won't repeat itself.

I'm living my life for now.

Not reacting as I did who cares if someone won't talk to me in a social media platform there is plenty who well and you know what simple kindness springs from places you least expect it.

The other day I was walking to school and I had on spent half the week getting my days muddied up when a gentleman stopped me asking me what day of the week was I told him Wednesday and that ~ I had got confused in Tuesday thinking it was Wednesdsy. 

You with me so far?

The joke the old gentleman told me was as follows.

"If King Kong went to Hong Kong to play ping pong and died. What would they put on his coffin ?

A lid !"

And with that he turned and went back into his house down the lane and I went to school with a smile , the kindness of strangers.

As they say tommorow a mystery yesterday was history.

Gardening On A Budget

How on earth can you garden on a budget  ?

Gardening even before you have got started the costs mount up with composts,weedkillers, insecticides, twine plant labels , gardening gloves , pots special shoes to garden in - it all adds up and that is before you have even got going with the plants.

It can be done with a few tips to avoid your wallet being walloped and having to eats beans for the next 3 months. It pays to be inventive and savvy , make do and mend and especially keep an eye out for those bargains.

1. Look on your free sites such as free ad s, free angle and so on , I managed to get a bit of railway sleeper for free and place it again my fence and the cat loves sitting on it. The piece of sleep is just right and looks lovely next to the old sink I got off eBay for 99 p , a good tip when you are looking on eBay for gardening items on the left hand side there is a box where you can put in your postcode and pick the distance you are willing to travel.

The sleeper was off freecycle.

See that balustrade I found that under a hedge it was abandoned( blooming fly tippers)

2. Grow from seeds , this can be done even if you don't have a green house and will quite literally save you a packet and you'll see no end of seeds on gardening magazines ( great advice and seeds all in one package )


3. Save your old your old yogurt and cream pots for growing seedlings in , use old wellingtons for plant containers these are especially quirky and add a sense of fun to your garden.

4 Compost bin/heap When my council introduced a £40 a year bin charge I declined to take them up on this unsurprisingly so I brought a compost bin you'll local authority will have links where you can buy one cheaply. Though since my council have offered a baby bin for £15 a year which I am using for all those items that can't be composed and saving on going down to the tip.

5. Finding stuff for example in a skip but please remember to ask permission as it's an offence to take something out of a tip without permission. I found this balustrade in a hedge and it has obviously been fly tipped but I asked the house next door just in case !

6. Swap seedling with a friend or even host a perhaps as PTA event example and sell tea and cake everyone loves tea and cake , cake loves me a little too much nowadays!

7. Get free advice the Internet is a wonderful resource for this with such sites as amateurgardeing.com or rhs.org.uk

8.  You go shopping in the sales for clothes and other essential items so why not plants , those plants you think might be half dead might not be as dead as you think they are !

9. Buy in bulk this is something I have been doing with the Cotswold stone in my garden I know I could have made an even bigger saving by ordering a huge bag but as I am on a tight budget this just wasn't feasible.

10. Look for making your own organic remedies this is something I am going to do as I have a bad case of woolly Aphid , my apple tree that is and not me !


PS that reminds me Aldi have some cracking gardening deals coming up on the 23 April and I need a mini water butt , I'll be sure to pick this up on the way to see Avengers Age of Ultron.


Disclosure All this is all my own work , I am going to Avengers willingly and am in no way swayed by Thor or any other superhero with a six pack but oh gosh wouldn't they be a dream in the garden ( only because they could do the work in half the time )

Spring Into Adventure

Not sure what it is this week , I feel as if I'm a Groundhog Day .

I spent the whole of Tuesday thinking it was Wednesday.

No matter I am loving the fact it's Spring and my garden is starting to take shape , I've been influenced of late by my Spring walk down the lane at the bottom of my road.

  

White Sauce Made Simple

Sauces were once my cooking nemesis , there aren't many of those left now ( well just the Victoria sponge cake.) but I'll deal with that another time. My sauces were once the talk of polite society in terms of that they didn't mention it. They say once you managed the basics then the world is your oyster ?..

Ingredients 

2 tablespoons of plain flour 

2 tables spoons of olive oil 

Half an onion or perhaps a couple of shallots 

500ml milk

2 cloves

1 bay leaf

Bring the milk to the boil with the onion, cloves and bay leaf , leave to infuse for 20 minutes.

Mix the 2 tablespoons of flour with the 2 tablespoons of olive oil to form a paste this is called a roux.

Fish out the onion/ shallots , cloves and bay leaf.

Then gradually add the milk to it thickens to a consistency you like.

You can add further ingredients to your sauce , I added cheese. 

My friend swears by a pinch of mustard powder too.

Move over Nigella .... Maybe ?!

Un Comfortable Being Me

No matter what people say I'm uncomfortable being me yet at the same time I'm sort of comfortable being me , slightly odd I know. I really do hate my picture being taken I never in my mind look quite right and make up is something that just looks right on other people rather me. If and when I do wear make up I look like Aunt Sally from Worzel Gummidge.

This obviously is without make up after the annual haircut this default hair cut number 1 as my hair my never ever grow past my shoulders. I'm rubbish at selfies if I tried the duck pout I look like a constipated duck. I'd rather be behind the camera than in front of it , it's where my talents of my minds eye lay and no I will never do a boudoir shoot for one I'd be horrified and I work in a school. 

Since I've always known me I'm uncomfortable being me yet comfortable and do I need the makeup to aids people perception of me.

No .

I'm me comfortable yet uncomfortable.